preexec() { 
        if [[ $RANDOM == 1 ]]
        then
                echo "CONGRATULATIONS!" | lolcat
                echo "You are today's winner of the bash-lottery." | lolcat
        fi

        if [[ $1 == ls ]];
        then
                echo "I'll show you..."
        fi

        if [[ $1 == time ]];
        then
                echo "time for beer!"
        fi

        if [[ $1 == touch* ]];
        then
                echo "No touching!"
        fi

        if [[ $1 == exit ]];
        then
                echo "you're stuck here… FOREVAAAAAA"
                sleep 2
                echo "just joking, do logout instead"
                shopt -s extdebug  
                return 1
        fi

        if [[ $1 == heyfriends ]];
        then
          who | grep -Eo '^[^ ]+'
                shopt -s extdebug  
                return 1
        fi

        if [[ $1 == hello* ]];
        then
                echo "Hi $USER! What's up?" | lolcat
                read mood
                if [[ $mood == *no* ]]
                then
                        echo "Sorry to hear that, $USER. Anything I can do to help?" | lolcat
                        read uselessanswer
                else
                        echo "Glad to hear, keep up the good vibes!" | lolcat
                fi
                shopt -s extdebug   #stops "hello" from executing, which would give a "command not found" error.
                return 1
        fi

        if [[ $1 == *apt-get* ]];
        then
                echo "Thank you $USER for your maintenance efforts! Our community really appreciates it" | lolcat
        fi

        if [[ $1 == guide* ]];
        then
                split=($1)
                echo ${split[1]}
                man ./guides/${split[1]}.1
                shopt -s extdebug
                return 1
        fi

        if [[ $1 == ssh* ]];
        then
                if [[ $(( ( RANDOM % 10 )  + 1 )) == 1 ]]
                then
                        echo "Not today, maybe later..." | lolcat
                        shopt -s extdebug
                        return 1
                fi
        fi

        if [[ $1 == *adduser* ]];
            then
                   inputcommand=($1)
                   echo "What is your preferred pronoun?" | lolcat
                   read answer
                   if [[ $answer ]]
                   then 
                            echo $answer > ${inputcommand[2]}pronoun.txt
                        fi
            sudo adduser ${inputcommand[2]}
            sudo mv ${inputcommand[2]}pronoun.txt /home/${inputcommand[2]}/pronoun.txt
            shopt -s extdebug
            return 1
        fi

        if [[ $1 == *reroaming* ]];
        then
            argument=($1)
            if [[ ${argument[1]} == howto ]];
            then
                man ./guides/howto.1
          fi
            if [[ ${argument[1]} == guide ]];
            then
                sed '/__PUBLISH__/d' ./guides/guide | fold | lolcat
            fi
            if [[ ${argument[1]} == why ]];
            then
                man ./guides/why.1
            fi
            shopt -s extdebug 
            return 1

        fi

        if [[  -e "tellme.txt" && $1 == *"tellme"* ]]
        then
            name="name called title"
            what="info explain folder what"
            why="why because"
            how="how instructions use"
            when="when time past history"
            who="who author creator owner user" 

            tell () {
                    if [[ ${@:0:1} == "@" ]]
                    then
                            eval ${@:1:-1}
                    else
                             echo "$@" | pv -qL 128
                             echo " "
                     fi
            }

            captured_command=0

            for per_word in $1; do
                    if [[ $name == *"$per_word"* ]]
                    then
                            tell $(grep -A 2 '#name' "tellme.txt" | grep -v "#name")
                            captured_command=1
                            break
                    elif [[ $what == *"$per_word"* ]]
                    then
                            tell $(grep -A 2 '#what' "tellme.txt" | grep -v "#what")
                            captured_command=1
                            break
                    elif [[ $why == *"$per_word"* ]]
                    then
                            tell $(grep -A 2 '#why' "tellme.txt" | grep -v "#why")
                            captured_command=1
                            break
                    elif [[ $how == *"$per_word"* ]]
                    then
                            tell $(grep -A 2 '#how' "tellme.txt" | grep -v "#how")
                            captured_command=1
                            break
                    elif [[ $when == *"$per_word"* ]]
                    then
                            tell $(grep -A 2 '#when' "tellme.txt" | grep -v "#when")
                            captured_command=1
                            break
                    elif [[ $who == *"$per_word"* ]]
                    then
                            tell $(grep -A 2 '#who' "tellme.txt" | grep -v "#who")
                            captured_command=1
                            break
                    fi
            done

            if [[ $captured_command == 1 ]]
            then
                shopt -s extdebug  
                return 1
            fi
        fi

        if [[ $1 == *"explainthis"* ]]
        then

            tell () {
                    if [[ ${@:0:1} == "@" ]]
                    then
                            eval ${@:1:-1}
                    else
                                  echo " "
                             echo "$@" | pv -qL 128
                             echo " "
                     fi
            }

            tell "Thanks for taking the time to explain your work! I will ask you some questions about what you've done. You are free to leave questions unanswered."
            tell "What is your project or folder called?"
            read new_name
            tell "How would you describe your work in a short sentence?"
            read new_what
            tell "What's your name or nickname?"
            read new_who
            tell "When did you create this work?"
            read new_when
            tell "Why did you create this work?"
            read new_why
            tell "How did you create this work?"
            read new_how
            tell "Thanks, I'll document it! You can use the tellme command (tellme how, tellme why, etc) to query other folders."
            > tellme.txt
            echo "#name" >> tellme.txt
            echo $new_name >> tellme.txt
            echo " " >> tellme.txt
            echo "#who" >> tellme.txt
            echo $new_who >> tellme.txt
            echo " " >> tellme.txt
            echo "#what" >> tellme.txt
            echo $new_what >> tellme.txt
            echo " " >> tellme.txt
            echo "#when" >> tellme.txt
            echo $new_when >> tellme.txt
            echo " " >> tellme.txt
            echo "#why" >> tellme.txt
            echo $new_why >> tellme.txt
            echo " " >> tellme.txt
            echo "#how" >> tellme.txt
            echo $new_how >> tellme.txt
            echo " " >> tellme.txt
            shopt -s extdebug  
            return 1
      fi

      if [[ $1 == tour ]];
      then
            echo "hello $USER, welcome to the filesystem tour" | lolcat
            echo ""
            echo '/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\' | lolcat | pv -qL 8
            echo ""
            echo 'FIRST STOP!' | lolcat
            cd ~
            echo "This directory is your home directory. Cozy, isn't it?" | lolcat
            sleep 1 
            echo "here's a picture of the landscape" | lolcat
            echo ""
            ls -la | lolcat
            echo ""
            shopt -s extdebug
            return 1
      fi

      if [[ $1 == whereami ]];
      then
            echo "you are here, don't get lost :)"
            pwd
            shopt -s extdebug
      fi
}